Awkwardness..

Everyone has a friend to share their things or thoughts about, but me.. I kinda lost all of them after secondary school. You had always been my faithful blogspot these years. From all of those i couldn't put them in speeches, they'll all end up with you. Its a shame you couldn't respond them, but im grateful that you faithfully kept all my hearts here, you're probably the longest relationship i had so far haha, though, most of them are all of sorrow reminder and thoughts of my past. Of course there's always an intention of mine to have you spread my thoughts to the person im writting to, but... You're just a blog. 

Awkwardness, the most hard-felted feelings in the world which are neither love nor hate. I don know how im suppose to put this but, well i stalk, i stalk a lot only to those i trully love. A horoscope article i read explained the behaviour of mine as a lack of security, and I admit, but at the same time, i thought girls needed their partner's accompany a lot too :( 

Well, today i stalked her again; rather to say that i stalk her everytime i misses her. There are a few post which i don know who are they referring to, but part of me wishes he's me, for i haven loses hope nor love. We constantly, or should i put it coincidentally sees each other in uni, and they remind me of my mistakes of being too hasty. A hokkien proverbs spells a sentence, "jiak kin long poa auo". And everytime we tend to meet parallel-ly, i try to do other things to distract myself, or as long as we do not have any eye-contact. It....hurts so much that its hard to describe in words. I would really love to let her know how i feel, but i don think its the right time yet, plus, im not some guy who is good at expressing myself, this is no excuses, rather to say just to let you know of my lack..

I.. I don know how i should continue this blog content. I just hope in any odd day she might open her browser and click on my blog to understand my thought, which i fear is not very possible. (How i wish just to let her know and tell her we are reversible... that, we can have another try)

I think i have gravely put too much in blog to tell you how i feel... Well, hopefully this one last time-----?

16 Nov.