Merry Christmas Daryl, and A Happy New Year.

I suppose, being in love will always be one of my fall in life. Not being able to give one necessary space, not feeling protective, and not being thoughtful in her shoes. I've always been selfish and immature when it comes to getting the love of my life, when everything i thought was right, it ain't actually that way. I haven't given much thought about who i am i suppose, and arrogant and ego are ones that lift me up and be-gone when im falling.

Hard brick i fell, ribs i fractured, love i lost. They are the moments when you started to reflect and only just realize your identity, the preciousness, the memory which are no longer moment you can repeat and recapture. You start to ponder on what to fill this hole, infinite vacuum. You realize how boring and dull your life had gotten, to what extent will it continue. You tried wanting that feeling back, around you, your friends, but you know.. Deep inside, what you seek is that LOVE, not a substitute to satisfy the desire of love. It'll be guilty to yourself and her.

To a certain extent, you reclaim your stand, your previous life, but it can never be the same. Never the same before you met her, and never the same while you're with her. This is another stage of life, another beginning. You find yourself looking for a new target, an aim, not remembering and cant recall what was it like, that you were chasing before she happened. Everything's a new start, its like befriending with all your friends again. Sometime emotions haunt you, sometime you haunts the moment, it'll be a cycle till you find a priority. Personally, I haven't. I'm trying, i wish i am, because they're all so theoretical and abstract. Reality's that you don get to choose an aim or make a priority at things, they just happen, unconsciously. Probably i have, thats why im trying so active to get along with people, in events, in a chat, get into drama, books, study, .. now blogging back for probably the last time this year. Checking back at my countdown calendar as of today(28/12/14), its been 61days since "I" first tried stopped message her and 188days since i met her(probably) and 149days since I desperately get in contact with her? Haaz.. Minus the days we weren't in contact, we had 88 days of chat and almost 800photos in-related chatbox. I was damn serious if you asked me..

Anyway, for the very first time in my 22years old life, who hoped to get married by 28years old, aged to minimum 70 so that i can see my grandchildren growing up and no planning yet on how to earn a fortune, I'm wishing myself, "Merry Christmas, Daryl. Let bygones be bygones. She deserves one better person and that person, is not you, yet, don't give up on life. And a Happy New Year. "